As I sat at the end of a fairly empty bar, a young man in his early 30s (I'd guess), sat down two seats away. At first, it seemed he was just an afterwork happy hour visitor with a penchant for whiskey on the rocks. Nope. That all changed when his date arrived - she was a whirlwind of nervous energy and pressured speech.
After she opened her mouth, I knew this was no ordinary first date. I decided to log it all on Facebook, and continuously update my post, as the date went on.
At first, my intentions were to write a short post, but then, I couldn't turn away. I saw the trainwreck coming, and needed to stay until the end. So, I sat through their entire two hour date with them - without them knowing. And, I overheard Every. Single. Detail.
Here it is, in its original form:
Sitting at a bar, listening to a girl in her 30s on a first date/blind date and won't let the guy get a word in edgewise. She literally listed her entire resume to him, and is barely asking him about himself. He seems nice, but is being talked AT. FFS.
...and, she just told him she's cheated on boyfriends in the past. Ummm.
...also learned she worked on a cruise ship and has told him at least 3x she has an agent.
...and, she is an actress who lives alone, because she can afford her own clothes.
...Now, she's saying she has "adult relations" - so she has an IUD. Oh my gawd.
...She is now talking about her PERIOD. (I just can't!?)
He just tried to say something.
Oh wait, she cut him off again. Now, I know she grew up Catholic. And so does he. Her best friend is Catholic... and doesn't care if he's Jewish. (Oh, goodie)
But, he's not Jewish. So, I am offended that she kinda knocked Jewish people...
She just asked him if his PARENTS were virgins when they got married. Whaaaaaaaat????? (By the way, his weren't.)
He tried to talk. Nope. Cut off again.
She needs a therapist, not a boyfriend.
It's not over. This guy probably just wants to have "adult relations" to put up with her. Now we are more than 30 min in.
She keeps telling him she pays her bills... oh, now she's a cougar? And was in a "daddy" situation. (This is riveting!)
...and, we are back. She gets indigestion. (So sexy!) No gluten for her. Now, she is unloading all of her Medical problems.
...she's knocking whiskey. Our honeymoon is over. I am not happy with her tone in talking about whiskey.
...She's still talking.
...He's still silent.
They ordered a 2nd drink (why?!?)
<Selfishly, this is okay.>
...she is an alcohol rep. She's "everybody's best friend at the bar." (Yeah, keep telling yourself that.)
Aaaand, back to taking about her resume. Wait, but she's "living the dream now." Says she doesn't want to be on American Idol. (But before, she said she wanted to be?)
She gives herself high fives in her apartment. (This is getting weird.)
She just asked him if he voted for Trump. (*ears perked up*)
He hasn't answered.
Wait, he is answering. I think he might have voted for Trump. I give it 5 min until she leaves.
...she isn't listening to him. He is still entitled to his opinion.
She is now discussing the election with him. (Her chances of "adult relations" are diminishing with each minute that passes.)
Her dad voted for Trump. She called her dad, "bat s*** crazy."
Oh, there was a death in her family a few months ago.
(Poor Guy is still not saying a damn word.)
We are back to her taking about cheating. This time saying FDR cheated on his wife (huh?) Can someone fact check this ^^^
...back to politics.
This girl is really self aggrandizing and a clear narcissist.
Now, she's an expert on the "housing crisis." And she's STILL talking. (How is he still awake?)
"She doesn't use Facebook. But Reuters is still news if it's posted on Facebook." <<- Okay, what the hell is she taking about?
"Do you support this Administration?"
She told him his opinion is bulls***
(Maybe it is, but she SAID it?!)
(*twiddling my thumbs*)
Will this girl ever shut up?
She is talking about military funding. (He speaks!)
He is also talking about de-funding Planned Parenthood. Okay, he is definitely not getting laid.
(Note to self: You really can do stand-up comedy. The nutty girl just wrote my bit.)
She said, "Oh, we should go. I have to meet my friend." He sat through that train wreck.