Immediately, the Dolly Parton song, "Nine to Five" got stuck in my head like an earworm which continued to burrow its way into the inner recesses of my white matter.
Then I realized, some rules are meant to be broken. That's because my ideal hours are actually 'after hours.'
And by that, I mean the abyss of time which exists in a state of Kronfusion, the time betwixt and between, the realm of the hereafter -- when I am in retail purgatory. The time I am fully loaded (or mildly buzzed) and SUI -- Shopping Under the Influence.
Have you ever engaged in the great American past-time, known to many women as, 'Drunk Shopping?' That time of day, when after work Happy Hours get just a little... happier. The equation is really quite simple: Afterwork (A) + Booze (B) = I see (C) Bloomingdale's.
I've been known to suffer from clouded delusions of fashion grandeur, when walking the credit line during a booze-fueled shopping spree.
Shopping while intoxicated does have some pluses. When retail meets alcohol and your spirits are distilled, everything you try on just looks - better.
Let's say you're a 30-something woman who walks into a store which caters to the Forever 21 crowd. You might see something on a hanger, which you swear will look good on. Because, yeah, everyone needs a Britney Spears-styled plaid skirt. Right? You try it on. And then, you don't even question whether, 'To Buy or Not to Buy?' You buy. The salesperson slides your plastic card, you sign the screen, and think, "This skirt is amazing."
That skirt *was* amazing, until your retail hangover kicks in.
When you wake up the next morning, you realize your drunk shopping spree not only cost you an arm and a leg, but you've also made the most halicious purchase - EVER.
Just to be sure, you try the skirt on one more time.
The mirror doesn't lie to you this time. It's ugly. You own it. And yes, it does make your butt look big, and not in a good way. This is when you remember plaid skirts only look good on men.. Scottish men... in Scotland.
The next stage kicks in -- and you begin to suffer from Drunk Buyer's Remorse.
Only to be followed up with a bad headache when the credit card bill arrives.
The moral of the story:
Please drink responsibly, and limit your SUIs. Because what you buy now, you will pay for later.
This post is in response to a Blogger Challenge posed to selected bloggers. For more posts on #idealhours, check out the hashtag on Twitter.